Living Starts Here (:

New Beginning, New Me !

2012-01-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody :) first of all, happy new year ! It's been too long since i've update my blog & since i have nothing to do, my blogging mojo finally kicked in.

So here I am, doing my "New Years Resolutions" post !

1. Patience

Like what others say, patience is a virtue. Well, I admit I run out of patience really quickly. I run out of patience when people tend to ask me a question more than once or twice, I run out of patience when I'm told to carry out a task more than once or twice. Ahh, you get the idea, I just need to be more patient !

2. Take control

My second new years resolution is to take control of my own life & stand up for myself ! It's not that I don't realise that people are taking advantage out of me, it's just that I think (thought) that it's alright to help out. Well, from now, I'll know my limits of helping people out, and STOP when he/she is crossing the line.

3. Be hardworking

Since college is starting in less than a week's time, I promised myself I have to get a good ATAR. Since SAM is based on coursework, I CANNOT slack ! No more being a couch bug, no more watching tv for more than an hour, no more lazing around the house.

4. Start saving MORE money !

With my future coming along so quickly, everything costs so much ! Uni, air tickets, exchange rates...I've just got to spend less & save more !!

5. Don't neglect exercising

The routine of exercises I did during this holidays is pretty good, i've got to say, so even if college is starting soon, I still need to make time for exercising even if it's 20 mins or half an hour ! Eat healthy & sleep early :)

6. Be more caring

I need to care more about my family & friends. Talk to my grandparents more frequently & make them happier than usual.

Well, all my resolutions above are kind of a cliche thing, everybody would make them their new year's resolutions too. But my last resolution is more of a personal thing.

7. Be more heartless & care less about him

With all kinds of interruptions & disturbance that had occured in our relationship, I can't say I've forgiven & forgotten. In the end, I'm still a girl. I don't hold onto grudges, but I remember the pain that he had caused. Trust issues, insecurities, lies & etc. Till this very day, the kniveS that stabbed into my heart are still there. But in 2012, i'm going to pretend like the knives aren't there & i'm going to care less. It's not worth of my time to cry over something I didn't know, something I will not have to pay for & something I didn't do. I will no expect anything good from him, and I will not expect anything bad either. I will not show my insecurities, my worries, my sadness or anything negative. I'll just occupy myself or shut down in my room. To all those moments when I trembled, cried, disbelieved, doubted myself, I will never EVER want to go back there again. In the end, love is beautiful & I will NOT let a person ruin something so beautiful.

That's my new year's resolution guys, I hope I'll update my blog more frequently ! :) Cheers to a new year X

2011-10-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

I would very much prefer the old days.

So much changes

2011-10-02T06:18:00.000-07:00

Not gonna put up with it anymore.

2011-09-15T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm just tired of putting almost everything into it, but getting completely nothing but pain out of it.

life's so unfair.

2011-08-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

Who am I kidding ?

You'll never know...

SS time with my son

2011-08-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

Like mother like son <3

Junior's teasing you !

I literally feel like a mom now.

No joke.

2011-08-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

Is it that hard to be happy again ?

I miss you.

I just feel as though....

2011-07-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

you belong to her

Jokes

2011-07-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

Another bad day

2011-07-15T22:57:00.001-07:00

Alone

I still don't get it

2011-07-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

Stupid shoulder hurts like crap.

I may not be perfect.

But,

I know him better than you do.

So stop trying to prove otherwise.

Just get out of our lives

I cover my tears, but still...I can't cover this pain

2011-07-14T05:08:00.000-07:00

Where do I start ? Why are things going so hard ? It seems like everything just have to go the opposite way. I thought all these scars are just...a daily routine to me and wouldn't hurt as much anymore. But today was definitely a day to remember. A day where I felt my heart piercing through every second, and I can't forget what I saw for even a moment. It's haunting my mind even when i'm occupied.

Why are you so cruel ? So mean, so heartless. Where did you get the strength to keep hurting me this way ? I thought I could just close one eye, for us to last, for everything to be okay. But....relationship doesn't work one way. If this goes on....it's obvious what's going to happen next. Which girl can take this ? Stupid acts, after stupid acts, and another stupid act. & you actually thought that I would be fine. Looking at both of you in the reflection, I was thinking to myself, maybe she's not the one interrupting our relationship, maybe....I'm the one interrupting both of your relationship.

Drag. Yes, nobody wants to drag a fight. But just to not drag it, and avoid the whole issue, isn't going to work. All you want to do is escape from reality, escape from what you've done that hurt me so bad. You see me hurt, you do nothing, you see me cry, you do nothing, you see me upset, you do nothing. Nothing at all.

Is this indicating the part before everything ends ? I swore I would work my butt off just to get this relationship back to track. But it's so bloody hard. So hard, to fake a smile, so hard to hold back tears, so hard to say "I'm okay", so hard to pretend everything's fine, so hard to focus, so hard to not feeling the punch in the heart.

I'll wait. I'll wait for that one day when somebody would come along and wake me up from this nightmare. Somebody to tell me everything's fine, somebody who actually sticks to their promises, somebody who truly adores me, somebody who sees something special in me....when nobody else does. I'll wait for that one day when I'll be truly happy for one whole day, for that one day when my heart is in a safe place, for that one day when I know that someone special's heart, belongs to me forever, for that one day when I know that somebody would never ever break my heart again.

Where's the love ? Where's the unconditional love ? The love which someone is not afraid to give you, the warmth that you feel and makes you fuzzy, the security that you just know you can completely trust that person. My trust for you...has started to fade. & I have no idea how...you're going to gain my trust back.

I'm sorry. For being such a fucking weakling, for being such a burden, for being such a nerve-wreck, for being so bloody insecure. No doubt, your acts have made me into that. I'm truly sorry for what I've done in the past and I've learnt from my mistakes. Maybe my acts aren't hundred percent perfect yet, but i'm proud to say that i've tried my best. But you ? Everything seemed so easy when you said it. Those words that just came out from your mouth without thinking, but you couldn't do one bit at all. I don't understand, if she feels the vibe, why doesn't she....back off ? Couldn't you at least think, before you do something stupid ? Think what are the consequences, think who'll you hurt, think who is screaming in pain inside...but gotta pretend everything is just perfectly fine. Vulgar, that's all you can be when I do something wrong, but when i'm the one who's hurt, i've to swallow back my tears and still gotta tolerate with your anger ? You're angry cause we're fighting, you're angry cause i'm upset. Well you know what ? Put yourself in my shoes. Try picturing me becoming you, you becoming me, and her becoming him.

You always say you get it, but you don't. You don't get it at all. Do you know what it feels like to be the one feeling like an outcast ? Do you know what it feels like to can't focus at one thing at all ? Do you know what it feels like to be so broken inside ? Do you know what it feels like...to sacrifice so much & keep it to yourself but nobody appreciates you ? Do you know what it feels like to be abused physically, mentally & emotionally ? No you don't. If you've tried picturing yourself in my shoes, and you still think that I should be perfectly fine, carrying on with life as usual...Well, congratulations, I can now tell you that you're one heartless bastard.

Those tears that you saw today, yes they were for you. They were true emotions. True emotions that nobody cares, including you. Those tears have fallen so many times they mean nothing already. But you know what ? Even the amount of tears that I've shed for you, can't explain how broken my heart is.

I'm broken inside

2011-07-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

Rewind

Why can't everything be like those days ? Those days when I have nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid of. Can't it be the other way around ? Why can't you be the one who's upset, disappointed and worried ? It's going to be 10 months soon, but why do I feel when the more we've been through, instead of having stronger bonds, we're growing apart ? The part where things come to an end doesn't hurt most, what hurts most is...witnessing how people change, things change, what you have with each other becomes memories, and the part where you clearly know that things are not going to workout but you don't know what to do, when to do, how to do. You know your heart is still where it's suppose to be, but circumstances in lives, situations that we have to deal with, makes everything change. Sometimes reminiscing is good. Look through yr phonebook, yr old pictures, yr msgs, or anything in the past, you'll find out that there are some people that were so important to your life before, but now they barely come across your mind.

Sweetheart, I don't want you to be one of them. I don't want you to be a part of my memory, I want to make memories with you for the rest of my life. Till the day I take my last breath, I swear my heart will still be with you. I'm never gonna find someone like you again, and I'm sure you're the one for me. You have yr own weaknesses and so do I, so I guess we have to tolerate to make things work. & I do want it to work, so badly. I need you in my life forever. I love you baby.

best time of my life

I want to wake up with your arms around me for the rest of my life

But no matter what, in order to continue on, I shall keep it all inside.
For you, I will.

2011-03-30T05:59:00.000-07:00

Life's good :)

HARO

2010-10-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

Baibai

How I wish you could read my mind

2010-09-24T05:01:00.000-07:00

Home alone,

I miss you.

Short ?

2010-09-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

This always happens.

When you have short,

you want long.

When you have long,

you want short.

-__-

Sooooo god damn annoying.

Girls are annoying.

Or should I just let it be ?

Can't wait for tomorrow.

I need a new profpic desperately.

Hopes & Expections

2010-09-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

Only gives you bigger disappointments.

It's one in the morning.

And i'm stuck here talking to annoying people,

instead of you.

Where are you ?

:'(

Everything I wish for

2010-09-10T06:23:00.000-07:00

I don't care

I must, I want and I will have walk in closets in the future.

Everything shall be colour coordinated according to labels,

and it will be air-conditioned (full blast)

ngeheheheheh

K, my third pair of shades this year.

Hope I don't break it again !

Shopping @ Zara

cassy my one and only luvv

Standing beside you just makes me look uglierrrrr

:'(

Brown cons,

personally am not a big fan of it,

not natural, plus it blocks your view.

I'd choose grey, which i'm using at the moment !

Can't wait to try hazel, honey, green and amethyst

Life's good.

Random

1. I sleep like a prawn when my aircon's on full blast

2. I like mint

3. I have this thing for clouds

4. I prefer sunny days

5. I like accessories

6. I hate lizards

7. I feel insecure when my phone isn't around

8. facebook's boring

9. I like to sleep

10. I enjoy brushing my teeth

11. I hate holidays

12. I loathe annoying people

13. I want a new hair cut

14. I want a new pencil box

15. I want dimples

16. I want long lashes

17. I want the cyberclean-sponge thingy

18. I like colgate

19. I like a hot bath before school

20. I miss writing

21. I want to study

22.I'm addicted to starworld

23. I miss watching friends

24. I love barney (HIMYM)

25. I want to be a kid again

okay that's it buhbye.

2010-09-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

When boredom strikes,

Why so pretty ?! :(

I was so bored I went shopping online hehehehehehehe.
Ugh, i'm a girl,
and I like shopping
:)

Ohemmgee,

somebody please ?

Bring me go shoppingggggg,

or buy me all these,

I don't mind

Boring, rainy day,

how I wish Cassy's here with me right now boohoo :'(

But it's okay, I have millions of tabs,

one for my korean drama,

one for blogspot,

one for 2pm,

one for zara / forever21 / aldo,

one for facebook, of course.

I have my cell beside me,

a cup of ice lemon tea,

korean drama loading,

I love being alone.

2010-09-06T00:31:00.000-07:00

Funny

It's funny how everything turned out to be.

Funny how we appreciate what we don't have ;

Funny how we take advantage of everything ;

Funny how we realise things that are important when they're only gone ;

Funny how people come and go ;

Funny how we want to go back to make a new beginning ;

Funny how people regret of what they've done ;

Funny how people can be complacent ;

Funny how people sacrifice but the others don't see it ;

Funny how the pain hurts without you uttering a word ;

Funny how people wait, but nothing turns out right ;

Funny how expections get so high, but we get nothing in the end ;

Funny how things happened, in such a way,

that I never see it coming.

People deny, but that's the fact. It's cold, hard fact. Appearances are deceiving. & everyone knows that.

It's weird how people chase so hard, for the thing that crave for.

But once they've got in their hands,

they completely don't care anymore.

That's what I fear of.

I fear,

I'll not be as important anymore,

not as interesting anymore,

not as challenging anymore,

not as funny anymore,

not as attractive anymore,

and most of all,

I fear to be stuck,

I fear of her.

What happens if it goes just like that,

like a blink of an eye ?

What happens if you'd turn your back to me,

and say 'I don't need you anymore' ?

I often think about that,

how long can this last ?

Forever, please ?

Because it feels so right.

Funny how I've neglected my blog, till now.

2010-09-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

Life, is a lesson learned ; Love, is a life earned

My chocolate chip cupcakes !

ohemgee :'(

Perfection

imy

Stare so hard you burn a hole right through my back. Isn't that what lovers do ? Are you obsessed with me, like i'm obsessed with you ? And if it's not love, then what are we, but two dumb kids who can't breathe without each other ?

2010-08-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna talk about it

I can tell by your eyes that youve probably been cryin forever ,

And the stars in the sky don't mean nothing to you ,

they're a mirror.

I don't want to talk about it,

how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,

If I stay here,

wont you listen to my heart,

oh,

my heart?

If I stand all alone,

will the shadow hide the colors of my heart;

Blue for the tears,

black for the nights fears.

The star in the sky don't mean nothin to you,